I'm still working out 4 times a week but with work now i don't know how much i'll be able to do.   I work 5-7 days a week, and hey are always at least 12 hour work days not even including the long travel time.  On my days off I am so exhausted.  Today is a day off and although I just wanted to stay in bed I went for an hour walk with my mom and then did weights. 

I'm frustrated because my weight has still not changed.  At all.  It's been a month.  I know that I am stronger.  I know my muscles are bigger, esp in my arms.  So I guess that is something.  But I don't think my size has changed.  I still can't fit into anything I want to fit into.  I'm scared and frustrated.  I think I'm eating enough.  I know I ate enough yesterday.  But maybe not on the other days.  It makes me just want to stop eating all together.

Just really frustrated.

still going strong, still working out at least 4 times a week.  I was really enjoying the long morning walks with my mom, but I start working insane hours tomorrow so it'll be more difficult to do that, and possibly a lot more difficult to work out on my own with timing and exhaustion.  Because of the long work hours I'm worried about my eating and keeping it under proper control.

When measuring my body this morning, it seems that in some areas I've stayed the same, but in some areas (like my waist) I've actually lost.  My weight, on the other hand, is still the same.  I'm trying to stay strong, trying to eat right.... eat enough.  I still need to cut the alcohol out of my habits. 

I had my annual drs apt.  I had to have a test done on my heart b/c of my history with my eating disorder.  And unfortunately some purging is still part of my life :( fuck.   Also I have an apt with a plastic surgeon about a breast reduction.

I went rowing with a friend.  Oh my god what a work out.  My arms (3 days later) still kill.  I was surprised at my strength, too.  Can't wait to do it again.

i haven't been posting my work outs but I have been working out 4x a week minimum.  Today and yesterday I went for an hour walk with my mom.  I considered that cardio.  My heart rate was up and it was so hot outside.  I can't get over how much I love protein shakes. 

So I know I'm stronger, obviously something has happened, I can do more reps, more push ups, more everything.

I was told that I won't see results until 4-6 weeks.  It's been 3 weeks.

My weight is 159lbs today- it has virtually not changed in three weeks.  I don't get it.  I am trying my hardest to consentrate on my meals... I think sometimes I'm not eating enough, but besides that I"m trying!  My fall down comes when I drink beer- which I've been drinking a lot of lately.  I think I'll switch to wine. 

I've also been very very anxious lately.  More then usual. 

when is the right time to buy heavier weights?  I am working with the 5lbs now.  Some work outs are still tough but others are becoming very easy.  I think I can buy new weights now...  I don't know how long you're supposed to wait!!

gawd damn it

weight today: 160lbs

I think? thinkthink? I can blame this on my period.  which should have arrived but hasn't.  On and off terrible cramps.  My pms was really bad this week.  I can't let this bring me down, but man, it's been almost two weeks and I have not only NOT lost anything, but I've only GAINED weight!!  I am still so motivated, and I feel great!  But it's unfortunate, and so disappointing, that my weight hasn't budged lower.  All I keep thinking is that in two weeks I could have restricted and lost 10 pounds minimum.  Which would be wrong and terrible.  It's harsh enough that I'm even thinking about it.  A few months ago a size 4 was too big.  Today I fit a size 11/12.  

I didn't do cardio today.  I wish I could but I just didn't.  Period stuff.  yuck. whatever.  I wont be able to work out for the next two days, i am working crazy hours.... 15+ a day. 

Weight Training: (assume everything is in reps unless otherwise stated)

Plank Pose - 3 min
Leg Lowering - 3 reps
Reverse Crunch - 3
Bicycle - 2
Shrugs - 3
Bendover Row - 3
dead lift - 3
Hammer Curl - 4
Curl - 4
Concentration curl - 3 each
Standing Calf Raise - 2
Push Ups - 5 single
knee push ups - 11 single
Bridge Pose - 3
Leg Curl left - 2
Leg Curl right - 2
Squat - 2
Lying side leg raise left - 2
Lying Side leg raise right - 2
Front Raise - 1
Shoulder Press - 1
overhead extensions - 1

(weekly weigh in) DATE: Sat May 31

weight: 160lbs
LWRist: 6.3
Rwrist: 6.3
L Bicep: 11
R Bicep: 11.2
Breasts: 39
Waist belly button: 38
L Thigh: 24.4
R Thigh: 24.2
L Calf: 14.5
R Calf: 14.4
Hips: 38.5
Butt: 40.12

not much of an improvement at all in weight and size, however there is a huge improvement in the length of time I can run for as well as the number of reps I can do when weight training!
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Sunday June 1, 2008


Cardio: 20 min treadmill, fast walking and running

Weight Training: (assume everything is in reps unless otherwise stated)

Plank Pose - 3 min
Leg Lowering - 3 reps
Reverse Crunch - 3
Bicycle - 2
Shrugs - 3
Bendover Row - 3
dead lift - 3
Hammer Curl - 4
Curl - 3
Concentration curl - 3 each
Standing Calf Raise - 1
Push Ups - 5 single
knee push ups - 11 single
Bridge Pose - 4
Leg Curl left - 2
Leg Curl right - 2
Squat - 3
Lying side leg raise left - 2
Lying Side leg raise right - 2
Front Raise - 2
Shoulder Press - 2
overhead extensions - 1

I am going to post weekly body pictures as well.  Today's work out felt easier then ever for me, even tho I added more reps.  Yesterday I started to work out but I wasn't feeling good at all, and it was making me want to puke... so I didn't.

Today my mom started asking questions about my protein shakes.  She also told me I looked like I lost weight in my face... which is odd b/c my sister said the same thing to me.  But I've only gained weight!  Perhaps it's because I'm getting my period in a few days... or maybe I've even gained muscle! haha. Well- that makes me feel a bit better because I've been feeling so disgusted at my body. 

SO- some protein shake questions.  Firstly- I used skim milk today instead of soy because I ran out- man the drink does not taste as good at all!! It didn't even blend the same, and it seemed like it didn't blend the same amount either- does soy make it... grow?

ALSO currently I am using:  LowCarb Protein (strawberry burst) by Interactive Nutrition (http://www.interactivenutrition.com/products/lowcarbseries.php).  SO this shake is supposed to contribute to your protein to help muscles and therefor metabolism without contributing to your fat or carb storage, there are only 2g carbs in it.  They have bars, as well, that they say are not as good as the shakes but sometimes on the go u have to have something, they have 22 carbs and 7g fat.  SOOO my question to you is... my mom bought a MAXIMUS WHEY PROTEIN powder (http://maximuswhey.com/nutritional_information.htm).  it has 30 more calories in it and it has 11g carbs and, actually, 0.1 g fat less then the other one.  it also has 4 more grams of protein.  SO is it terrible for me to use this one (then I don't have to spend the money on buying another one of the lowcarb protein by interactive nutrition) if it has 11g carbs in it?  I mean- is it that terrible that i Have those carbs?  It also has more protein so maybe that is a benefit?

also - Standing Calf Raise I'm sure is fabulous for me because I'm prone to Charley horses.  However- I can't do them for long at all, even at a count of 12 I can feel like I could have a Charley Horse.  I feel it when I stretch and when I run, as if I am triggering one and it's so painful!  How am I to prevent this from happening?  Am I doing the right things by slowly building up resistance/muscle?  I am stretching and usually doing cardio before weight training.  I'm frustrated with this because it really effects my work outs :( 

oh and I love iTunes dance stations... always new and different songs- never gets boring while I'm working out!

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Cardio: 30 min treadmill, fast walking and running

Weight Training: (assume everything is in reps unless otherwise stated)

Plank Pose - 2 min
Leg Lowering - 2 reps
Reverse Crunch - 2
Bicycle - 2
Shrugs - 3
Bendover Row - 3
dead lift - 3
Hammer Curl - 3
Curl - 3
Concentration curl - 3 each
Standing Calf Raise - 0
Standing Calf Raise Outside - 0
Standing Calf Raise Inside - 0
Push Ups - 4 single
knee push ups - 11 single
Bridge Pose - 3
Leg Curl left - 1
Leg Curl right - 1
Squat - 2
Lying side leg raise left - 2
Lying Side leg raise right - 2
Front Raise - 1
Shoulder Press - 1
overhead extensions - 1

DATE: Wed May 21

Cardio: 30 minute rollerblade

Weight Training: (note: 1 rep = exercisex12)

a review and educational session on all strength training exercises found at here: http://www.strength-training-woman.com/strength-training-exercises.html

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DATE: Thurs May 22

Cardio: 40 min treadmill

Weight Training: 1 rep/as much as I could do for each exercise... still learning

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DATE: Friday May 23

Cardio: 30 min rollerblade

DAY THREE, after breakfast and working out:

weights: 157lbs

L wrist: 6.2 1/2 inch
R wrist: 6.2 1/2
L Bicep: 10.14
R Bicep: 11.6
Breasts: 39.7
Waist (belly button): 37
Hips: 38 1/2
Butt: 41
L Thigh: 24.4
R Thigh: 24.5
L Calf: 14.5
R Calf: 14.8



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DATE: Sat May 24

Weight Training:

Plank Pose - 1 Rep
Leg Lowering - 1
Reverse Crunch - 3
Bicycle - 1
Shrugs - 2
Bendover Row - 2
Hammer Curl - 3
Curl - 3
Concentration curl - 2 each
Standing Calf Raise - 1
Standing Calf Raise Outside - 1
Standing Calf Raise Inside - 0
Push Ups - 3 single
knee push ups - 1
Bridge Pose - 2
Leg Curl left - 2
Leg Curl right - 2
Squat - 2
Lying side leg raise left - 2
Lying Side leg raise right - 2
Front Raise - 1 (got shaky)
Shoulder Press - 1
Lateral Raise - 1
Overhead extensions - 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DATE: Mon May 26

Cardio: 10 minute rollerblade

Weight Training:

Plank Pose - 1 min
Leg Lowering - 1
Reverse Crunch - 1
Bicycle - 2
Shrugs - 2
Bendover Row - 2
dead lift - 2
Hammer Curl - 3
Curl - 3
Concentration curl - 2 each
Standing Calf Raise - 1
Standing Calf Raise Outside - 0
Standing Calf Raise Inside - 1
Push Ups - 3 single
knee push ups - 10 single
Bridge Pose - 4
Leg Curl left - 2
Leg Curl right - 2
Squat - 2
Lying side leg raise left - 2
Lying Side leg raise right - 2
Front Raise - 1
Shoulder Press - 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DATE: Wed May 28

Cardio: 30 min fast walk/run on treadmill (sweat! felt great!)

Weight Training:

Plank Pose - 2 min
Leg Lowering - 2 reps
Reverse Crunch - 2
Bicycle - 1
Shrugs - 2
Bendover Row - 3
dead lift - 2
Hammer Curl - 3
Curl - 3
Concentration curl - 3 each
Standing Calf Raise - 1
Standing Calf Raise Outside - 1
Standing Calf Raise Inside - 0
Push Ups - 4 single
knee push ups - 11 single
Bridge Pose - 2
Leg Curl left - 1
Leg Curl right - 1
Squat - 2
Lying side leg raise left - 2
Lying Side leg raise right - 2
Front Raise - 1
Shoulder Press - 1

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I will be updating every time I work out.  I think in about a month I'll change up the exercises and perhaps purchase an exercise ball so I can add a bunch of new exercises.  And maybe in the future buy one of those boards (that I used to have but sold... oy...) that recline for weight training and sit ups.

I am trying to follow my hospital meal plan but it's proven difficult.  Ultimately I would like to just eat normally.  I find it hard to eat enough.  Lately I have been consuming 1 protein and 1 carb for breakfast.  1 protein shake for lunch.  and a sensible low fat dinner.  Sometimes I have a snack if need be.  I'm trying to recognize my bodies hunger and nutritional needs.  I will also be taking my multi vitamins again.  It's possible that I will chart my meals, but I really would rather not.  I am terrified of it becoming obsessive.  I already think about it enough, think about the calories, and write it down sometimes in other places.  We'll see how I feel. I don't want to have to know the calorie content of everything I am eating, and I want to be able to go out and enjoy a meal without freaking out.  Also- lately, purging has been more frequent after 5 months of abstinence. Trying to control that, again. 

Right now I weight myself everyday.  But I am trying to ween off so that I only weigh once a week when I take measurements, and I'll post them here.  As of now that day is FRIDAY, but it depends on my work schedule which is changing in about 3 weeks.